The Gap Between Knowing Your Power and Practicing It

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There is a profound difference between knowing your power and actually practicing it. Most women can sense when something is off. They feel the truth in their bodies. They recognize when their intuition is speaking clearly. And yet, when the moment arrives that requires them to stand in that truth, something else often happens. The body tightens. The breath shortens. The shoulders subtly curl inward. The old identity takes over. Awareness is present, but embodiment is not.

This is a story about one of those moments. And more importantly, it is a story about choosing differently.

The Archway That Sparked the Lesson

We are currently renovating a 1938 cottage on our property in downtown Delray Beach. This cottage is becoming the Becoming House, a physical sanctuary for retreats, intensives, workshops, and the deep identity work we do inside the School of Becoming. It is not simply a construction project. It is a tangible expression of expansion, capacity, leadership, and growth.

Inside the original footprint of the cottage was an archway separating what would function as the living room from the dining area. From the beginning, I knew I wanted it removed. I envisioned openness. I wanted a larger gathering space that could hold more women, more conversations, and more transformation. Before selecting a contractor, I confirmed with multiple professionals that the archway was not load bearing. Removing it would not compromise the structure of the house.

Construction began, and progress moved incredibly fast. One morning, I walked into the cottage and saw that the archway had been removed. But in its place were thick beams running across the ceiling. The very feature I had removed to create openness had been replaced with something that visually and energetically contradicted my vision.

When I asked about the beams, the contractors explained that once they opened the wall, they realized it was structural and needed reinforcement. They were confident. They spoke with certainty. They justified the work they had already completed.

And yet, I knew in my bones that archway was not load bearing.

The Internal Experience No One Could See

While they were explaining their reasoning, I was having a completely separate internal experience. I felt a flutter in my stomach. I felt the subtle rise of a familiar fawning response. A quiet voice surfaced that sounded reasonable and protective. It said, do not make this a big deal. They already did the work. You do not want to be difficult. You do not want to be misunderstood. Do you really want to be that woman?

If you are a woman who leads, you likely recognize this voice. It does not shout. It does not panic. It sounds calm and rational. It disguises itself as harmony and peacekeeping. But underneath, it is shrinkage.

That moment, right there, is the gap between knowing your power and actively practicing it. Most women live their lives in that gap. They feel the truth internally, but when confronted with louder voices, authority, or social pressure, the old identity reasserts itself. The familiar pattern feels safer than the expansion.

Transcending who you have been is not easy. If it were, everyone would have done it already.

Regulation Before Leadership

What changed the outcome in this moment was not force. It was regulation.

I did not immediately argue. I did not collapse into agreement. While they continued speaking, I turned inward. I focused on slow, intentional breaths. I grounded through my feet. I pressed one foot more firmly into the beam beneath me to help move energy through my body. I created safety inside my nervous system so the fawning response could quiet.

Leadership from a dysregulated nervous system is not sustainable. In this case, the dysregulation was not dramatic. It was subtle. It was the quiet contraction that so many women mistake for composure. But contraction is still contraction.

A regulated state feels expansive. The shoulders relax and open. The chest lifts. The breath deepens. Clarity returns. Once I felt that expansion reestablish itself in my body, I spoke calmly and clearly. I asked them to pause the work, retrieve a ladder, and independently verify whether the beam was truly load bearing.

There was resistance. They had already invested time and effort. It was inconvenient. But they did as I requested.

One by one, they climbed up and assessed the structure. When they returned, they looked me in the eyes and confirmed that the archway was not structural. The beams were unnecessary.

They removed them. The space is now open, exactly as envisioned.

There Will Always Be Someone More Certain Than You

This experience highlighted a universal truth. There will always be people in the room who sound more certain than you feel. Authority, volume, speed, and confidence can override your internal knowing if you are not anchored in it. The presence of certainty in someone else does not negate the validity of your intuition.

The question is not whether you will be challenged. The question is how deeply you trust yourself and how willing you are to practice your power when it matters.

Claiming your power is easy. It is a declaration. It is something you can say, post, or affirm. Practicing your power requires something different. It requires breath by breath choice. It requires noticing when a survival response rises and choosing not to let it lead. It requires remaining grounded when the old identity wants to shrink or overcompensate.

Survival Responses and Identity Evolution

In this moment, my default response would have been fawning. For others, it may be fight, flight, or freeze. Each of these responses is an old identity strategy that once served a protective function. They are not weaknesses. They are learned survival mechanisms.

However, what they often protect us from is not danger but expansion. They protect us from the full expression of our power. Embodying that power requires letting go of familiar patterns that kept us liked, agreeable, or non-threatening.

You cannot hold onto both the old identity and the evolved one. If the familiar patterns continue to dominate, the woman you are capable of becoming will remain conceptual rather than embodied.

Grounded power is not aggressive. It is not domineering. It is steady, regulated, and clear.

The Practice Is the Work

Awareness alone does not transform identity. You cannot simply consume empowering content or repeat affirmations and expect embodiment to follow. The work is in the practice.

Practicing who you are becoming is not abstract future-self dreaming. It is moment to moment implementation. It is the micro choices that accumulate into a new internal infrastructure. Every breath, every interaction, every decision either reinforces who you have been or builds who you are becoming.

You are always practicing something. You are either practicing the familiar patterns of your past or rehearsing the identity that aligns with your future.

The gap between knowing and being closes through practice.

So the real question becomes this. Are you practicing who you have been, or are you practicing who you are becoming?